BDSM Get The Kink On?

BDSM Dirty Things To Say

BDSM, is it on your sex menu? Maybe you still have some skepticism or discomfort about it.

Furthermore, how easy it getting started with BDSM? Besides, how much is there to do when it comes to Bondage/Discipline Domination/Submission Sadism/Masochism.

Alternatively, you may think of Rihanna standing with her chains and whips. On the other hand, you think of Fifty Shades of Gray.

A fact is that BDSM is more than just the whips and chains. To find out what it is and how to get started, you can start right here.

What is BDSM


A fact is that BDSM you can categorize into different sections to bring sex, power, and pain into your healthy relationship. The important thing is that both adults need to give their consent and be communicative about it.

First BDSM does not have a code or physical violence. A fact is it can become creative, fulfilling, and sweet. The primary responsibility is with the Dominant to control the vulnerability when being submissive.

The important thing is that both partners need to aim to please each other. The submissive will set boundaries when having ultimate control over the relationship.

Furthermore, there is a difference between sadism and physical abuse. Also, there always needs to be constant communication, as both partners need to feel safe and cared for.

On the other hand, dominance is not about barking out orders to call the shots. Yes, the dominant does call the shots in the relationship once the rules established by both partners.

BDSM is all about trust, even when forced to do something it should not be on the sub missive’s own free will. Furthermore, there should always be safe in and out available.

How Do You Ease Into BDSM?

Japanese Bondage BDSM Play

While you always relate it with whips, chains, leather, and cuffs, there are other ways to ease into it. You can bring in dirty talk as a starter, or you can do sexting.

Alternatively, you can create a sexual setting to figure out what your likes and dislikes and best to do for testing the waters if it is your first time.

Furthermore, BDSM is about pushing the limits and not exceeding them. So to get started:

Talk about BDSM in your relationship


Communication is the key and vital for both parties to feel comfortable. Discuss your fantasies, desires, likes, and dislikes. You need to establish limits and express when you want to continue or stop. Trust is essential and discussing what is painful, unpleasant, or is a turn-off in your kinky play sessions vital. You do not want your role play to turn sour.

Decide who is the Dominator


Are you the dominator or prefer being at the receiving end. Maybe both of you enjoy the domination role and also want to fulfill a kink.

Here you can take turns to fulfill your fantasies. The important thing is to decide who is going to be in control as it helps to settle into roles naturally.

Pick a Safe Word


You will find some kinks involving non-consent fantasies from screaming to struggling. Therefore, the dominator needs to know the differences in their role play. The person needs to know when to stop.

Whether it is rape to torture fantasy once can shout no or stop as part of the kink. That is why you need a safe word to say we need to stop.

A common word is red, macaroni, eucalyptus, and more. The word needs to be something that both can remember easily. As with a stop word, you also need a word to say that the person must keep going like red will mean stop now, and green means keep going.

Alternatively, orange can mean you like what the person is doing, but it is too hard. Now if you are gagged, you will need to work out some form of shaking the head with uttering sounds like mm-mm for it to work.

On the other hand, you can give the receiving person something to hold that they can drop to get your attention.

Take Baby Steps

Man in Bonadage

If you only want to explore, we recommend you take it slow that is non-threatening. You can start with blindfolding the person as the first step while you are in charge.

Doing this allows you to explore your partner’s interest when you are in control. If your partner becomes fearful, you know you need to stop.

A fact is there is no need for buying BDSM toys as first as you can use whatever is around the home. You can apply from shirts, neckties, to scarves in your role play.

Sensory Play

If you want to add more to the kink you can start with spanking as all you need is your bare hand. Bring in items in the room for sexy play from your hairbrush to a wooden spoon.

You can even use your electric toothbrush to tickles the person and great for sensory play. Get some ice cubes for temperature play or use a credit card as a blade without causing damage.

The important thing is to take it easy and increase the intensity slowly for the person to adjust. When it comes to bondage, you can tie the wrists with belts and not too tight.

Furthermore, do not cut off the person’s blood circulation and keep a pair of scissors handy.

As time progresses you can even bring chastity play into your role play as well.

Now it is time to buy quality products!

Woman in Bondage

If and when you decide to buy BDSM toys, remember to buy quality and not cheap. You can find different items to fulfill your kink online from Amazon, Etsy, or the Kinkstore.

With them, you can find different equipment that is handmade or custom made to live out your desirable pleasure. Furthermore, you can visit a renowned sex shop in the area and ask them about what works best in your role play.

Once you have your items on hand, the important thing is not to add anything to your kink once you start. Establish the limits and parameters of the session and do not add anything.

BDSM Candle Wax

A fact is that once you are aroused, you may feel tempted to try something new and only find it was too much. There is always a next time.

The crucial thing is to have fun!

Did We Mention Communication is Key?

Temperature Play

We know we are repeating ourselves, but it is worth mentioning again. Even when you have established your BDSM kink in the relationship, your communication can falter.

Always check after each session if anything changed from something your partner did not like or liked. Maybe you can do thing better, or perhaps both of you want to explore more.

The key is to check in before and after a session by asking what the person is for in the mood tonight. Perhaps you want to try something new or want to make love the old-fashioned way.

Therefore, sit down and chat over a glass of wine or during your texting session throughout the day. By communicating, you remove pressure from the relationship making your BDSM experience a pleasurable one.

BDSM Chastity Is It Abuse? – BDSM Chastity explained

BDSM Abuse 1BDSM chastity the fascinating world of bondage & discipline, domination & submission, and sadism & masochism is a love and hate relationship seen by outsiders.

There is a saying, “Love should not hurt,” and to some extent it is true. However, with BDSM, this saying does not work.

Why? Because BDSM partners agree to activities involving different levels of arousing and physical awkwardness or even pain.

So is BDSM Chastity abuse? When you look at a consensual relationship, it is not abuse due to the consent involved.

Besides, you can still find abusers and abusive forcefulness present in the BDSM community.

Therefore, the question you need to ask yourself is, “How do you tell the difference between abuse and BSM?”

A fact is there is a prominent distinctive feature between abuse and BDSM that is communication, consent, planning, and respect involved with BDSM.

BDSM Chastity Indications

BDSM Control

BDSM is not just getting into the kink of chastity role-play, femdom chastity control, whips, tying up with ropes, and more.

It is about pre-play negotiations giving the consent to partake in some form of fetish, domination, etc.

Furthermore, it is about having a safe word or two from slow down to stop building trust with each other. It is all about discussions and reassurance when a scene gets emotional afterward.

Moreover, it is about having discussions with your partner about soft and hard limits and not breaking the trust without full prior debate.

Another essential thing is BDSM chastity is safety first when one partner is restricted and panics by releasing them quickly.

Therefore, bondage and discipline come with trusting each other throughout the process and not abuse.

How do you know your BDSM Chastity is abuse?


There is a big difference between the do’s and abuse in a BDSM relationship as seen hear:

Controlled Situation Out-of-control
Negotiations happen before the time to see what will and will not happen Only one person decides what happens
Knowledgeable consent by both parties involved No Consent
A safeword is used to stop the scene at any time The person cannot stop what is happening to him or her
Everyone involved is concerned about desires, limits, and needs with each other No concern at all about desires, limits, or needs
The people involved feel good after an SM scene After the SM scene, the people concerned feel bad


These are some excellent guidelines to determine if you are in an abusive BDSM relationship. A fact is that BDSM has long been a target for outsiders when it comes to criticism.

The point is that bondage & discipline, domination & submission, and sadism & masochism come in different forms.

Therefore, to answer the question of if BDSM chastity is abuse, you need to determine how healthy your relationship is first.

Here we have a checklist of relevant items to ask associated with BDSM.

  1. Can you speak what you need to say for others to hear and understand you?
  2. Are you creating an environment where others can tell you what they need to say, even if you do not want to hear it?
  3. Is your relationship you are fair to both of you? Do you allow each other’s voices to be heard?
  4. Does your relationship allow both of you to pursue their joy?

With these questions in mind, it will help you to determine if your BDSM relationships a pleasure or abuse.

A fact is that BDSM has loads of health benefits as well and is not abuse.

Health Benefits of BDSM


Many people see BDSM as dangerous, unhealthy, and reckless, and the biggest culprit is the media.

A fact is that humans have always had the liking to have adventurous sex from bondage, erotic biting, to self-denial.

However, recent studies prove that BDSM offers excellent health benefits for both men and women.

Helps Improve Mental Health

People in the kinksters leagues not psychologically damaged to rejection compared to vanilla counterparts.

They feel more secure in their relationships and helps increase their well-being at the same time. Couples in a BDSM relationship are more reliable towards each other and more open to try new things.

Furthermore, they have decreased anxiety and less sensitive to perceptions.

Hence they are also more aware of their sexual needs and can adequately express their desires and boundaries.

Therefore, they have a high level of self-awareness, allowing them to have better happiness inside and outside of the bedroom.

Releases Stress

A series of studies done by the Northern Illinois University showed an altered state of the hormone cortisol found in yoga practitioners and marathon runners.

The activity helps lower stress levels, and during the test, they took saliva samples of both the dominant and submissive during the sadomasochistic scene.

The dominant showed a decreased level of the hormone after a session. With decreased cortisol, it helps protect different health ailments from high blood pressure to insulin resistance.

The second study done on partners receiving pain showed a reduced function in their limbic and prefrontal region of the brain.

Both these areas are associated with working your memory and control of the brain. The results were that the blood flow reduces to these areas and alters your state of consciousness.

In the BDSM community, it is called the “subspace” for the submissive partner and “topspace” for dominants.

Therefore, some BDSM participants have a spiritual experience.

Helps Improve Relationships

BDSM helps partners to connect and feel intimate with each other.

A fact is during the sadomasochistic scenes, the activity triggers the brain with the feel-good chemical dopamine making you relaxed and keeps you smiling.

Do you want to uplift your lovemaking? Then it may be the right time to bring in some role-play or some form of BDSM kink.

Maybe you have wanted to try it, but have not had the guts to ask your partner yet.

BDSM Chastity is Not Abuse

Chastity Release

As you can see, BDSM is not abuse, and it all depends on the type of relationship you find yourself.

Taking part in different kinks from bondage, chastity play, domination, submission, and more can lead to better mental and physical health.

Are you in an abusive BDSM relationship? You are! Now is the time to move on. Rid yourself of the toxic relationship. BDSM is supposed to be fun for both and not only one.